You're Not Too Sensitive

I had an insensitive man once tell me I was too sensitive. The thought of that gave way to so many more feelings inside of me. My heart began pounding profusely with emotion. My eyes welled up with tears. And my mind bursting with more emotional thoughts.

Esrom Lake By Vilhelm Groth

I was offended. Hurt. Felt sad and sulky. I was having a real moment even before I was told I was too sensitive, but that callous callout sent me deep within my feelings. It took me far longer than it would have to come out of my feelings had he not said that. I went on a what some like him would call a “downward spiral,” I guess.

Luckily for me, through the luxury of my work I interview experts, therapists, healers, heart menders, peacemakers, energy workers, psychologists, psychiatrists and more who I interrogate in a very heart-centered way for answers I believe help my listeners, but quite often me.

WHAT I’VE LEARNED ABOUT SENSITIVITY

There’s no such thing as being too sensitive. I eluded to mention off the top, when he called me “too sensitive” with his cold piercing eyes, I leaned in and whispered softly, “maybe you’re just insensitive.”

And wouldn’t you know. I was on to something. It’s true. Those who find sensitivity in others discomforting are being triggered by their own sensitivities so they put on this hard exterior and guard their feelings with all their might ever so intently.

They have grave fear of showing and sharing sentiments not because they don’t want to, but because it’s foreign to them. They never learned how to. So they walk around hard, rigid, up tight and always defensive when a sentiment of anything from anyone creeps in to their energy field. They quite often will walk away. They will change the subject. They will give you a one liner to quell your emotions in hopes of shutting you up. They do all the things. All the wrong things.

Listen in here to an awesome conversation I had on the podcast about Highly Sensitive People with Chris M. Lyon.

HOW TO DEAL WITH SENSITIVITY YOURS AND OTHERS

First and foremost take comfort in knowing there is no such thing as too sensitive. You are a feeling being and you are entitled to feel as much or as little as comfortable for you.

What you need to take in account as a feeling being for your own protection and well being is who you share your feelings with.

Not everyone is comfortable with themselves, their own feelings, let alone someone else’s. I learned this one the hard way.

So with this in mind you want to gauge who in your world is thoughtful, heartfelt, loving, compassionate, a good listener, caring, comfortable enough with him or herself to listen in a way that makes you feel supported.

If you don’t have this person in your world than a therapist is your next best option and even if you do a therapist can be a great system of support for you. Checkout this post from my blog — What Kind Of Therapist Do I Need

And if we flip this around and put you on the receiving end of someone else’s emotions — the most powerful thing you can do is just listen. Listen to them at length. Let them feel safe in sharing their feelings uninterrupted. It’s good for them and gives you an opportunity to hone your compassionate listening skills. For more guidance on this listen in to this powerful conversation on the Blossom Your Awesome Podcast with Susan Partnow — Ep. 9 Compassionate Listening.

Or watch here where I talk to Dr. Kat Peoples about Highly Sensitive People

SENSITIVITY IS THE NEW COOL

Another really great thing is that sensitivity is the new cool. I’ve been learning this one conversation, book, article at a time.

Let’s just say, real men and women show emotions. While it’s been a part of the psychological landscape for decades now for men especially to keep their emotions at bay and rise up and be tough guys and put on their big boy pants and not cry and all of the other dos and don’ts — real men cry.

The new norm, healthy norm is to show emotions, openly, candidly, unrestricted without fear of judgment.

I love that we are now having this conversation more than ever. I love that men now are coming out and expressing their vulnerabilities more than ever. I love that we are destigmatizing men showing their feelings.

I think this makes for a happier more loving world. It makes for better fathers, better husbands, better brothers, better friends, better leaders, better allies, better protectors, better cohorts in every facet and area of life.

Dr. Avrum Weiss writes extensively about this and shares powerful insights with me about men and vulnerability. He is a psychologist and formative author and researcher on the subject. Listen in here to my exchange with him on the Blossom Your Awesome Podcast.

He also has been leading men’s groups where he does profound and moving work with men desperate and beyond willing to share their emotions in a safe space. He tells me they come together each week and they cry together, some of them weep together, they pass around the boxes of tissue and they feel heard. They feel moved deeply. They feel liberated and most importantly feel safe crying with other men without judgement.

I find this to be a really beautiful thing. I as a sensitive person love it when people can convey and express their sensitivities openly and vulnerably. And I love nothing more than cultivating not only awareness around this, but safety for people to do so without judgement.

What are your thoughts? Are you sensitive? Are you an empath and too sensitive even to the emotions of others? How do you show up for people in your world when they are having a moment?

These are things for us to ponder that inevitably lead us back to that deeper quite often less explored part of ourselves. How do we do when things get emotional? Are we triggered? And why? Can we sit with the dis-ease of another or is it just too uncomfortable? Consider these things and I assure you, you will begin to gain some sense of clarity around your own sensitivities and sore spots.